01-01
上班日 • 2021年的圣诞节
最后更新: 2023年11月4日 上午11:41
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h3:某天上的国度
12月25日,是圣诞老人一年一度的上班日。
此刻是凌晨0时,时隔一年的公司,终于有人了。
圣诞老人给自己泡了一杯咖啡,启动了电脑,便坐在前方工作。
圣诞老人:Wishi,今年也拜托你了。
Wishi:是的,老板。马上为您筛选今年的愿望。
Wishi:审核完毕。
Wishi:已把18禁的愿望删除。
圣诞老人:多少个?
Wishi:10,032,475个。
圣诞老人:……
圣诞老人:给那群家伙一些惩罚。
Wishi:了解。已把资料发给惩罚组的驯鹿们。
Wishi:接下来为您报告第一个愿望。
Wishi:来自A国的B男,我想要疫情结束。
Wishi:类似的愿望有7,402,876,192个。
圣诞老人:这个愿望我也想帮你们实现呢。
圣诞老人:可惜,你们当中很多人没有遵守SOP,才会导致这样的结果。
圣诞老人:Wishi,让科学家多一点灵感,发明一些解药吧。
圣诞老人:我们能做的,就只是这些。因为,命运这回事,我们不能管太多。
Wishi:了解。
Wishi:接下来报告下一个愿望。
Wishi:来自C国的K男,希望考试过关。
Wishi:类似的愿望有223,421,674个。
圣诞老人:想要考试过关就去读书啊,干嘛来找圣诞老人?
圣诞老人:不过还是要了解一下背景。
Wishi:他们大部分热衷玩一款叫《龙耀亡者》的游戏,每天玩到半夜三更。早上上课在睡觉,下午补习继续玩。
圣诞老人:好,自造孽,不用管,让他们不及格。
圣诞老人:有例外的吗?
Wishi:有。为您报告她的背景。
Wishi:M国的L女,21岁,正在读大学。家里贫穷,只能打工补给学费。上课认真,但是因为打工所以每天只能睡3小时,结果上课很难集中。
圣诞老人:让她及格吧。
圣诞老人:她毕业时,顺便给她一份好工作。
圣诞老人:M国是吗?薪水5000那样的工作吧。
Wishi:了解,已把资料发送给礼物组的驯鹿们。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:来自z国的L男,希望把3个愿望变为100个愿望。
Wishi:类似的愿望有1,402,189,641个。
圣诞老人:……
圣诞老人:全部无视。下一个。
Wishi:来自T国的C男,我希望全世界的智障消失。
Wishi:类似的愿望有2,746,982,103个。
圣诞老人:我也是希望智障消失,特别是刚才那1,402,189,641个。
圣诞老人:可惜我不能这么做。
圣诞老人:最多只能让他们身边没有那么多智障出现而已。
Wishi:了解,已把资料发送给礼物组的驯鹿们。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:来自J国的D男,我想要有一个女朋友。
Wishi:类似的愿望,有些是女性要找男朋友,有891,010,213个。
圣诞老人:姻缘是找月老吧?干嘛找圣诞老人?
圣诞老人:再说,月老一年365天都工作,怎么可能没有帮他们牵线?
Wishi:根据资料,大部分是中学生和小学生。
圣诞老人:小学生谈什么恋爱?给我乖乖读书!
圣诞老人:中学生还能理解,不过你们还是给我乖乖去读书!
圣诞老人:特别案例呢?
Wishi:来自K国的K男,20岁,因为太帅,太多人追捧,不确定谁是真爱,希望圣诞老人直接告诉他,谁才是真爱。
圣诞老人:这家伙出门估计会被打死。
圣诞老人:叫他去问月老。
Wishi:报告老板,月老大人发来了一封信息。
Wishi:我已经把真爱给了K男,只是他太迟钝了,没有理会人家。
圣诞老人:月老也不好混啊。
圣诞老人:那就跳过,其他呢?
Wishi:来自E国的Y女,30岁,追她的人都是年长的,但是她喜欢年轻的小鲜肉,希望有小鲜肉来追她。
圣诞老人:所以说,去找月老。
圣诞老人:好像都差不多的情况。跳过吧。
圣诞老人:下一个愿望。
Wishi:了解。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:来自Z国的X男,我想要称霸世界。
Wishi:类似的愿望有782,192,281个。
圣诞老人:无视,下一个。
Wishi:来自J国的U男,我想要穿越异世界。
Wishi:类似的愿望有19,298,761个。
圣诞老人:……
圣诞老人:马上安排卡车。
Wishi:了解,已把资料发给礼物组的驯鹿们。
圣诞老人:这个应该发给惩罚组。
Wishi:了解,修正完毕,资料已发送。
圣诞老人:真是的,今年怎么那么多奇葩的愿望?
Wishi:报告老板,据说成为奇葩是人界最近的潮流。
圣诞老人:搞到我都想辞职了。
圣诞老人:算了,再筛选。奇葩愿望全部无视。
Wishi:了解,继续深入筛选中。
Wishi:筛选完毕。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:来自M国的R男,我想要快乐。
圣诞老人:他到底受了什么刺激?
Wishi:23岁,非常好人,帮助人的次数为876,253次,但是其中有726,222次没有被当一回事;努力工作,却没有得到相当的薪水;有点木讷,偶尔说话有些直接,在被人酸了才会酸回去,但是酸回去时又被人说小气。
圣诞老人:……
圣诞老人:给他一份新工作,让他找新的朋友圈。
圣诞老人:麻烦月老给他一个好的女朋友。
圣诞老人:那些对他不好的,全部失业。
Wishi:了解,已把资料发送给月老大人、礼物组和惩罚组的驯鹿们。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:来自M国的小孩子,我想要见爸爸。
Wishi:类似的愿望,包括要见妈妈的愿望,有3,203,182,272个。
圣诞老人:还能见到父母的孩子,有多少个?
Wishi:有3,201,892,185个。
圣诞老人:这场肺炎还真是搞到很多人家破人亡啊。
圣诞老人:再给科学家多一些灵感研发药物。
圣诞老人:也让多一些人可以有比较强的自制力吧。
圣诞老人:我们能帮的,就这么多而已。最后还是要看人类自己的造化。
Wishi:了解,已把资料发送给礼物组的驯鹿们。
圣诞老人:下一个。
Wishi:是最后一个愿望了。
圣诞老人:那么快?
Wishi:是的,因为大部分是重复的愿望和奇葩愿望。
Wishi:根据资料,有3,203,975,616人只许下一个愿望、2,029,293,182人许下两个愿望、2,163,867,886人许下3个愿望、302,902,889人不相信圣诞老人。
圣诞老人:今年没有关于买东西当礼物的愿望呢。
Wishi:是的。这类型的愿望估计爸爸妈妈或者男女朋友就能实现,所以没有人许下这类型的愿望。
Wishi:至于想要成为土豪的愿望,我也当作奇葩愿望给过滤了。
圣诞老人:也好,方便我们做事。
圣诞老人:来,说一说最后一个愿望。
Wishi:来自K国的M男,我希望世界和平。
Wishi:类似的愿望有998,039,291个。
圣诞老人:我也希望。
圣诞老人:看来要去帮忙驱除人类的心魔了。
Wishi:需要把资料发给礼物组的驯鹿们吗?
圣诞老人:发过去吧!
圣诞老人:也给我一份。我也要去工作了。
Wishi:了解。
圣诞老人:谢谢你了。明年见。
Wishi:了解。明年见。
圣诞老人关闭了电脑,带上大袋子,戴上红帽子,和驯鹿们一起去实现人们的愿望了,顺便惩罚一些乱许愿的人。
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